Agree on the healing (‘healthy coping’) is hard af part.
Being able to look at a memory and admitting that it hurt (and still does), took years.
But while I don’t enjoy the healing in the moment, I feel much better afterwards, than if I would have just distracted myself.
I even saw myself being less clumsy after a while cause my mind is less distracted with keeping down ‘bad’ memories.
But disagree on the existence of unhealthy coping.
If your leg gets mauled by an animal, the first thing you do is getting away, no matter how, be it crutch or crawling. Once you’re safe you can start letting your leg heal. Same thing with your mental health.
If you get hurt by loosing a friend or a breakup, you get yourself to safety, be it by distracting yourself or just sitting somewhere or crying or just playing strong. Once you’re able to live, then you need get to the healing/healthy coping.
The ‘unhealthy coping’ often feels less like a coping strategy, but like the way of life for someone who got his leg mauled and was either forced to continue as normal, never got to safety, or had to live with the animal and the constant mauling. They’re gonna have a lot of crutches, pathways and other weird behavior to work around the constantly broken leg(s). And someone who mentally never got to safety will have his addictions, detachments, depersonalization, etc.
But both will need to heal and let go of their respective survival strategies.
I get what you’re saying. However, my meaning is more “this can lead you into worse problems” = unhealthy coping. Alcohol worked fantastic for me to cope! But holy shit that has often led to worse situations and terrible health consequences.
People use painting to cope. Writing. Music Ways to express yourself and explore how you feel without self-destruction. Ways to explore things that suck without potentially harming in worse ways.
Saying “this is how I cope!” while doing self-harm is unhealthy. It’s a wobbly-ass crutch that is also full of glass that will hurt you if you once you lean on it too hard.
Do I blame folks for unhealthy coping? No. Not at all. I get it 100%. But a lot of it is used to numb the pain and ignore things instead of addressing it, and can turn into habit that will make your life so much worse, on top on your initial problems.
I think we’re saying the same thing, I’m just adding an additional line:
Coping = short term numbing the pain.
Survival Strategy/Crutch = long term numbing the pain.
Healing = working through those feelings.
And in this framework, sure, some coping mechanisms are healthier than others, but since they’re all short-term only and allow you to move into the headspace to heal, they’re basically all valid and healthy for that purpose.
And most people will use some sort of crutch to get into that headspace.
Missing out on a promotion and drawing a painting right in your bosses office after receiving the message is as difficult and unrealistic as sitting down right there and then and meditating on that feeling. Most people will try to make it through the day with distraction, be it alcohol, work, sugar or all of them combined. Once people are home, then they will paint their picture, go for a walk, sit down and meditate, talk to a friend, whatever their healing strategy may be.
And people who continue with their coping strategy turn it into a crutch. And that is when it becomes unhealthy.
The main advantage of having this short-long term differentiation is preventing the shame of using something addictive and thus causing you to beat yourself up over it. But other than that distinction I agree with your points fully.
Agree on the healing (‘healthy coping’) is hard af part. Being able to look at a memory and admitting that it hurt (and still does), took years.
But while I don’t enjoy the healing in the moment, I feel much better afterwards, than if I would have just distracted myself. I even saw myself being less clumsy after a while cause my mind is less distracted with keeping down ‘bad’ memories.
But disagree on the existence of unhealthy coping.
If your leg gets mauled by an animal, the first thing you do is getting away, no matter how, be it crutch or crawling. Once you’re safe you can start letting your leg heal. Same thing with your mental health.
If you get hurt by loosing a friend or a breakup, you get yourself to safety, be it by distracting yourself or just sitting somewhere or crying or just playing strong. Once you’re able to live, then you need get to the healing/healthy coping.
The ‘unhealthy coping’ often feels less like a coping strategy, but like the way of life for someone who got his leg mauled and was either forced to continue as normal, never got to safety, or had to live with the animal and the constant mauling. They’re gonna have a lot of crutches, pathways and other weird behavior to work around the constantly broken leg(s). And someone who mentally never got to safety will have his addictions, detachments, depersonalization, etc.
But both will need to heal and let go of their respective survival strategies.
I get what you’re saying. However, my meaning is more “this can lead you into worse problems” = unhealthy coping. Alcohol worked fantastic for me to cope! But holy shit that has often led to worse situations and terrible health consequences.
People use painting to cope. Writing. Music Ways to express yourself and explore how you feel without self-destruction. Ways to explore things that suck without potentially harming in worse ways.
Saying “this is how I cope!” while doing self-harm is unhealthy. It’s a wobbly-ass crutch that is also full of glass that will hurt you if you once you lean on it too hard.
Do I blame folks for unhealthy coping? No. Not at all. I get it 100%. But a lot of it is used to numb the pain and ignore things instead of addressing it, and can turn into habit that will make your life so much worse, on top on your initial problems.
I think we’re saying the same thing, I’m just adding an additional line:
Coping = short term numbing the pain. Survival Strategy/Crutch = long term numbing the pain. Healing = working through those feelings.
And in this framework, sure, some coping mechanisms are healthier than others, but since they’re all short-term only and allow you to move into the headspace to heal, they’re basically all valid and healthy for that purpose.
And most people will use some sort of crutch to get into that headspace.
Missing out on a promotion and drawing a painting right in your bosses office after receiving the message is as difficult and unrealistic as sitting down right there and then and meditating on that feeling. Most people will try to make it through the day with distraction, be it alcohol, work, sugar or all of them combined. Once people are home, then they will paint their picture, go for a walk, sit down and meditate, talk to a friend, whatever their healing strategy may be.
And people who continue with their coping strategy turn it into a crutch. And that is when it becomes unhealthy.
The main advantage of having this short-long term differentiation is preventing the shame of using something addictive and thus causing you to beat yourself up over it. But other than that distinction I agree with your points fully.